Mutterings
Also known as Levi's Guide to the Universe.Also also known as shit I think about in the shower.
» Dinosaur ExtinctionScientists say that dinosaurs went extinct approx. 65 million years ago. Do you know what else happened 65 million years ago? If you said Madonna was born, you're close. According to the teachings of Scientology, the evil Lord Xenu came to Earth 65 million years ago, bringing with him the tortured souls of various alien races. The souls were then brainwashed and sent out to.. I dunno. Wail and sob and possess humans or something. But humans didn't exist yet. Dinosaurs did. Here's what really happened: Those alien souls possessed the dinosaurs, causing them such great grief that they collectively slit their wrists (except the T-Rex, whose arms were too short for that; he threw himself off a very tall cliff) and died, thus paving the way for our human ancestors.. Who were then possessed by the reincarnated alien souls, if Scientology is correct. In conclusion, Scientology killed the dinosaurs. (hide)
» HellHell is a line. A ridiculously long line where everyone stands silently because they're too awkward to start a conversation with strangers, and at the end of it is Satan waiting to stab you in the ass with his pitchfork. Afterward, you go to the back of the line and do it all over again. And don't think you can cheat the system by slipping out of line for a bathroom break and going to the end. You're always right in front of the guy nice enough to hold your place in line. (hide)